Sunday, 17 May 2015

Island of the Cyclopses

Summary
Supposedly a portrait a Polyphemus

In one word, dreadful. The service here was very poor. The landlord Polyphemus was not in any way civilized, and his treatment of guests is clearly not up to scratch with widely accepted civilized Greek standards. 
The door to our room was blocked, so we never got to enjoy any of the sights on the island. I came here with work colleagues who I had recently fought alongside at Troy. By the time we had left, Polyphemus had eaten four of them. 
I understand that Polyphemus is a Cyclops, and as a result, not a civilized member of society, but I still expected much better service than I received. It is even worse here than with the lotus-eaters.

Travel Advice

Avoid if you can. If you travel for just a few days longer, you will reach islands with much more reasonable folk. Only go there is there is no other choice (meaning a life or death situation). 
If you must go there, be sure to take with you a wooden spike and lots of alcohol. And when checking in, don't give your real name.

The Accommodation: A Cave

Overall Score


Service: 0/10- Very poor. Four members of my crew were eaten, and if it weren't for my actions, many more would have perished. The cyclopes here are even worse than the Trojans.

Food: 1/10- Unless you are willing to slay a sheep yourself, there is very little here. Don't expect to be fed while you are there. It is far more likely that you'll be the one feeding the cyclopes.

Rooms: 1/10- Very poorly maintained caves. You'll likely be sharing one room between a large number of guests, the giant Polyphemus himself and his many sheep. Sleeping on concrete isn't the most comfortable experience in my life either. 

The Landlord/Caretaker
Polyphemus
Overall Score: 2/30
In one word, dreadful. The service here was very poor. The landlord Polyphemus was not in any way civilized, and his treatment of guests is clearly not up to scratch with widely accepted civilized Greek standards. 
The door to our room was blocked, so we never got to enjoy any of the sights on the island. I came here with work colleagues who I had recently fought alongside at Troy. By the time we had left, Polyphemus had eaten four of them. 
I understand that Polyphemus is a Cyclops, and as a result, not a civilized member of society, but I still expected much better service than I received. It is even worse here than with the lotus-eaters.

Image References

http://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/06/13/e9/ee/cave-of-polyphemus.jpg
http://coldmountainmimesis.drupalgardens.com/sites/g/files/g529152/f/styles/large/public/Cyclops-odyssey.jpg
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/0e/Polyphemus.gif

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